Empty Calories & Full Lives

Ahhhh. Remember the carefree days when we could ingest trans-fat, polysaturated fat, palm kernel oil, and even (Gasp!)partially hydrogenated things? Before Oreos, Hostess, &Lil' Debbie had gone the way of the dodo and were replaced with funny little guys called edamame, flax seed, & acai berries? Well, here is a salute to those who once celebrated the fine epicurean merit of good-old-fashioned fat. Hat's off, and pounds on, to the clever ad execs who came up with these ones. Now, if you have been feeding your brains with lots of lard (and I don't just mean political ad campaigns), can you determine the relationship between these two ads? Hmmmmm. Now that's what I call a think-tank approach...

The Vermont 50 MT Bike

Here is a shout out to my mountain biking peeps coast to coast. In an effort to gain a more intimate relationship with my newfangled East Coast Roots, I have decided to enter what I understand is one of the best rides/races this side of the rockies. Not as gruelling or intense as the Leadville 100, but still a challenge and should be quite fun. 50 miles in under 12 hours. Should be do-able, right? We are going to make it a family camping and cheering on affair from Sept. 27th 2008 until Sept. 29th 2008. Click here for more info:

http://www.vermont50.com/index.html

I know attendance at this race for most of you is highly unlikely, but just thought I'd throw the invite out there in case you want to come view the fall foliage. You can ride it, run it, relay it, or drink beer on the sidelines and cheer me on. I will be needing all the support I can get, trust me (and if you want to help push me up the hills, I wouldn't complain).

Anyway, I'm super excited about it and am throwing any and all excuses out there for potential visitors! As motiviation for this event, I would like to leave you with this pearl of wisdom:

She's All Growed Up...Sniff...

I know, I know. More bike stuff. Some might call it a bit obsessive. I like to think of it as more like, a deep and unabiding affection. Of course, that's also what Tanya Harding probably said about Nancy Kerrigan. Well, either way, the Silver One (I have been in such awe, I haven't had time to find a proper name) is about 75% finished. Replaced the bars, seat and seat post on this outpatient visit. The next overnight stay will require a more invasive procedure to replace the stem, headset, cranks and bottom bracket. In her new Carbon Fiber gear, she is sure to look hotter than David Hasselhoff in a Speedo.

As if.

Check it out:

A Vending Machine for Cars???

Welcome to one of New York's less frequented attractions: the car-vator. Now, it may look like something where you just swipe your American Express Blue Card and just press A3 for Lexus, G12 for Mercedes, etc. And: Bam! Out pops a new ride! Here we go, my first choice:

Wouldn't that be handy? Sorry to disappoint, but this is simply a car park with a lift...gotta go up in this town. But, it sure is fun to watch as they retrieve them. But if there was a car vending machine, what I want to know is: where did they go and put the one in MY price range??? Ahhh, that's the ONE! My trophy car to compliment my trophy wife!












Oh, wait...that's my little pretty eyes. Isn't she amazing? Anyone break a nickel? Or loan me some sunglasses?

Virtual Tour of Casita de Caton

And now, ladies and gentlemen, let us interrupt your current program to bring you another exciting episode of Yo! MTV Cribs! Tonight we feature a homey yet avante garde home from the Kensington area of Brooklyn. Please join us for this tour as you witness, first hand, how the "other half lives." And by "other half," we just mean the other half of sane.

And now, let's dim the lights for the slide show:

The Living Quarters. Elegant, yet cozy. Emphasis on cozy. Like dancing at the Prom, or being in a cocoon (with television, if moths watched television, though they would be attracted to the light. Stop.).









Le Entryway (right). Fun 70's colors, but also practical. Not like 70's automobiles. Remember the Ford Pinto? Yup. 'Nough Said.











The Boudoir. Connected to Living Quarters through not-so-secret passageway. See blueprint for New York City Housing. Ha ha. I think that's what the Autocad plans actually say, too.










Ye Olde Dining Hall. Not exciting, but functional for the family meal hour. But it could be exciting if you are a fan of time. We do have a great clock with an Eiffel Tower background. Oui.


La Cocina. This is perhaps our favorite room. How could it not be? Did I mention we have a professional gas range/oven. Nice. Don't hate.










The Office. Not too much work getting done here, but sure fun to make mix tapes and buy useless stuff from the Internet elves.

Our Humble Beginnings. We've come a long way, baby!

The Family Von Melting Pot

Well...the word is out that the (ahem) individual who posts this blog has yet to mention the fact that there are others associated within his regime. Though they need no introduction, as you can probably hear them now from where you are, I thought I might take this opportunity to introduce the starting lineup for the team. In the green coat, weighing in at 42 pounds and hailing from the Silver State is Jessie Lee Quinn. In the red coat, the master of disaster, the angry enchilada, Wyatt Kelley. Refereeing the fight tonight is Lady Liberty. Kind of reminds one of the Rocky/Apollo matchup, doesn't it? Sometimes the kids re-enact it just for fun.

And how about that FDNY Tower Ladder 15, pride of the Lower East Side? Fire trucks. Sirens, dogs. Kids. Enough said. Fire Trucks. Firefighters. Wives. Enough said. I always thought men who worked in grocery stores were sexy. But, whatever.

But seriously, it is wonderful how New York City, being the meltiest of the melting pot, truly celebrates its patriotism. One would think otherwise, as Jew and Muslim, Indian and Pakistani, black and white, New Yorkers and Jersey folks, are all forced to coexist in a rather small space to hold 8 million people...but they do, and it is actually inspiring. I know, there are always hiccups in the system, but overall, it really does give some hope to the ideas set forth by the Founding Fathers. Here is another firetruck (at the request of my wife and children) that I'm sure John Adams or Ben Franklin would approve of!

What's Your Superpower???

I often find myself wishing that I had just one day, even just one moment of one hour of one day, where I could say anything or do anything and not a soul would remember it. Maybe this would even be my superpower, if I could have one. Some might use this power for evil v. good, but I think it would best be suited somewhere in between, to enact all the little sarcasms and tiny stabs we would like to take at people at whom we frown upon during the daily grind. Barring, of course, any permanent damage.

Take for instance this sign (see photo). Now, being ruled by the general moral fiber of the civilized American culture, we wouldn't dream of actually allowing a perhaps unruly (but certainly darling) child to ingest mass amounts of caffeine, and then give him or her a small, helpless animal which they would in turn be certain to inflict some sort of bodily harm upon. BUT, wouldn't it be great if you could? And not get caught? Clarity Check: That would be great to punish the parents of said darling child, not wish harm on unsuspecting furry animal.

Now, if you don't happen to be near a. an espresso machine (but how can you really be far from a Starbucks?) or b. a pet store, you could certainly transcend this act of kindness into other useful forms: see a. the "phantom" spanking or b. dismembering of noisy toy.

This could also work on adults! See a. reconstructive bluetooth surgery or b. unexplained mishap forces "I am incapable of whispering" movie talker to leave early. I don't know. At least this will give you food for thought during the morning hours of your workday tomorrow. Daydream about how you could make it work in your office.

Now I know some will argue that the ability to fly or be invisible are much superior superpowers. Don't be so cliche; branch out and discover your own creative superpower. Then post it on the blog. The gauntlet has been thrown down. The gloves are off. I'm excited to see what you come up with.

Down with the Brown

Brooklyn Natives. Gotta love that pride, baby! You know what I'm talkinbout???

Fughettaboutit.

A new addition! Aren't you all excited?

Well, here is the birth certificate for the latest addition to the family. One child who won't use formula, diapers, or wear out shoes....or willl she? Well, the reason you are sooooo excited, as I can tell by the little bit of vibrato in your voice, is that I have begun a new bike project!

Witness the fascination as before your very eyes a classic hipster track bike transforms into a urban assault vehicle! Chuck Norris and Rocky Balboa would kick your a***s to have this bike, man....

Well, maybe they wouldn't, but what you can do is see the rebirth of a 2006 Bianchi Pista 100% stock be reformulated over the next several months into a city riding street machine. Keep posted for updates. I know you care, deep down....

CS